I am leaning that marriage was never meant to be easy. It was meant to be holy. It’s the sacred space where two imperfect people learn to love like Jesus. Living with patience, humility, and forgiveness. But what happens when love feels more like a battlefield than a blessing?
Lately, my husband and I have found ourselves at an impasse. What started as a simple disagreement spiraled into a full blown fight. Words were exchanged that can’t be unheard, and separation was mentioned more than once. My heart aches with despair. I ask myself, How can he not see how much he’s hurting me? Even worse, how did we get here again?
But amid the pain, I feel the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit reminding me: This is not the end. God can redeem even this.
When Things Get Hard, Run to God, Not Away From Each Other
In moments of anger, our instinct may be to retreat or lash out. But God invites us to pause and seek Him first.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
God doesn’t promise a conflict free marriage, but He promises His presence in the middle of it. When emotions rise and words cut deep, take a breath and pray. Even if your spouse won’t join you, you can still invite God into the space between you.
"Be still, and know that I am God." — Psalm 46:10 (NIV)
That stillness allows the Holy Spirit to soften hearts and open ears before more damage is done.
Hold Your Tongue, Guard Your Heart
Sometimes silence isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom. Harsh words spoken in anger can wound deeply and linger long after the fight is over. This is something I have to continuously remind myself and I am working on daily.
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up." — Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
Ask God to place a guard over your mouth and peace in your heart. When you feel the urge to retaliate, just remember that not every truth needs to be spoken in that moment. Grace filled silence can speak louder than anger ever could.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." — Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
Speak the Truth in Love
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending you aren’t hurt. Your feelings matter, and expressing them in love is part of healing. But timing and tone matter, too.
"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." — Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)
Try starting with “I feel” instead of “You always” or “You never.” Invite your spouse to listen without defending, and be willing to do the same. Communication builds bridges where silence builds walls.
Learn to Forgive. Again and Again
Forgiveness doesn’t erase pain but instead it hands it to God. It’s a process. Sometimes daily, but it’s the only path toward freedom.
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." — Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
You may feel like your spouse doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but as I have to remind myself, neither did we when Christ forgave us. Forgiveness is not for them alone, it’s for your peace and spiritual healing.
Seek Common Ground and Compromise
True reconciliation isn’t about proving who’s right. Instead it’s about pursuing what’s righteous. Compromise doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means gaining unity.
"Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" — Amos 3:3 (NIV)
Ask God to show you the bigger picture and not just your pain, but the purpose He can bring from it. Let humility lead your steps and soften your spouse’s heart in time.
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." — Philippians 2:3 (ESV)
Let God Heal What You Can’t Fix
There are seasons when you may feel like you’re the only one trying. But God specializes in mending broken hearts as well as broken marriages.
"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." — Matthew 19:26 (NIV)
You may not see change right away, but healing often begins in unseen ways. Keep praying, keep showing love, and trust that God can transform what feels hopeless.
A Prayer for Healing and Unity
Lord, my heart is heavy. You see the pain and the distance between us. Teach us to listen, to forgive, and to love like You do. Soften our hearts where pride has hardened them. Heal our words, our wounds, and our marriage. Help us not to live just beside each other, but truly together in Your grace and truth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Marriage will never be perfect, but it can be redeemed. Even in the hardest moments, when it feels like love has run out. God’s love is still enough to refill your hearts.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." — 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)
If both hearts are willing, even a broken marriage can become a beautiful testimony of God’s grace.
Add comment
Comments